Step 2: Why, Dr. Phil, Why? a.k.a. Letting go of the way we were parented

Issues of wanting to fix things for my girls abound.. Then I feel guilty for my seeming inability to listen compassionately… And for thinking that the time out was “teaching” versus withholding love (thanks a lot Dr. Phil!!) But I realized that I am learning and will rise above my mistakes. Each moment is one where I can choose to act (or react) differently if at all. Which brings me to today’s story…

Today my 5-year-old, Danica, behaved aggressively after quite a challenging few days. Sadly, I reacted with very little compassionate listening… And off she went to her time out. Then I remembered our class and thought “what have I done? How can I change this pattern?” So I went into the room and asked her to lay with me under the covers. I asked her to share with me how she was feeling and explained that I was not behaving well either. Guess what she told me. Go on… Guess!! Lol

Okay, okay. Danica told me that she felt like a bad person because she just couldn’t behave well all the time. She said she was trying but felt horrible that sometimes she hurt people and when she tried to say sorry they were busy doing something else. She said she worried that she would always be bad everyday of her life. Wowza!

My lesson? Time outs really do hurt because Danica would have been in the room alone feeling everything but contentment, worried about her future. And I would be outside the room convinced I was a good mommy teaching her to change her behavior in the future. And neither of us would ever speak to each other from a place of love because our energy would be on every mode of being except the most important one: being present.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s